I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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