I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
