Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
These tits shall not be calmed
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
