I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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