Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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