Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
