Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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