Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
