woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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