She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I believe in your delicious
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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