i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
