We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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