Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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