You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
