i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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