well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
