You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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