so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
