ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
