So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She even gives head with a lisp.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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