If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
