Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
