why didn't you poke me back
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
