had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
