The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
