I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
