this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
