Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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