You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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