My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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