theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
