thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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