how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
