I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
