i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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