Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
