You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
