I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
