here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
