i think i have herpe
just one?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
