They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
even my farts smell like vagina
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
