Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
