Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
