Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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