didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
