Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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