Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
