he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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