Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
