You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
