if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
