My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
