never play flip cup with pint glasses
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
