i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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