i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
