u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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