I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
